(not) freaking out

I had my first midwife visit today. I brought some cupcakes that Little Prince and I made over the weekend to celebrate the fact that he is fully weaned at 3.75 years old.

Of course insurance is dumb and doesn’t want to cover anything as in-network. I’ll have to apply for a gap exception. I had to last time, so I’m too worried about it.

I got to see one of the midwives that already knew me from LP’s birth. We had a good talk, a good exam, the blood draw was easy, and she said that while my uterus was definitely bigger, just like last time it was tilted backwards so it was hard to get a read on anything.

This is where things went a bit weird. She wanted to do a quick stomach ultrasound just to double check everything. But just like last time it was hard to see anything with a stomach ultrasound. We did find something, which is good. But when she tried to measure it, it was measuring long for 7w3d (which is about where I’m at). Also there was this weird line next to it. And we couldn’t hear a heartbeat. So she wanted me to see the ultrasound tech to get it all checked out and make sure everything is normal and that the line isn’t anything weird (or a second one). But the u/s tech gave her notice today. So I was going to have to go to another place and get it done there. However, as I was checking out, an appointment opened up for tomorrow at the South location. Luckily I didn’t have any meetings for that time so I took it.

Then we went back to the exam room and finished the talk about all the things i have to do now that I’m pregnant and all the different tests that can be done, my nutrition, etc. The nice thing about being 35 is that some of the prenatal testing may be covered by insurance. Then I took my weight and peed in a cup (fun!) and checked out (see above).

So now I’m freaking out because what if something is wrong or if it is twins. If something is wrong I’ll be devastated. If it’s twins I don’t know what we’ll do because we’re going to have to scrape together and save just for another one. Also, I won’t be able to use the birthing center and that would make me sad. I’m sure it’s fine. If we could have done a transvag ultrasound right then I’m sure we would have seen that.

I’m also annoyed with myself because when the birthing center called a few weeks ago to schedule this appointment, they wanted to do it for next week. But I was so impatient to confirm everything that I lied and said that next week was too busy and could I come in this week instead. I bet if I had waited then the baby would be bigger and everything would have shown as just fine. So I feel like this freaking out is totally my own fault. :(

In other news, I’ve decided to call it Bae. Get it? I was going to call it Frolic, but I just wasn’t feeling that name as much. Also my sister assures me that bae is a very hip term right now.