Archive for the ‘mental state’ Category
Just got back from my nonstress test. Of course when they hooked me up to the monitors, Stree decided that it was nap time and didn’t move at all. I did have a few contractions during the test and the monitor picked them up, so that’s good. Then when the midwife went to check me, the little jerk decided to wake up and move around a bunch; we both felt him! So back on the monitors I go and what do you know, he quiets down. But he did move enough that they decided the results were better.
This morning I started having bloody show, which the midwife confirmed when she did an internal check. She also said that Stree’s head is in a VERY good position and that I’m at 1-2cm dilated, 60% effaced with him at -1. She did a membrane sweep, so hopefully that’ll kick start things. I have another appointment for another nonstress test combined with an ultrasound to check the fluid and stuff scheduled for this coming Tuesday, but hopefully I won’t need it. ~crosses fingers and toes~
Mentally I’m not doing so well. I’ve been really grumpy and short tempered. I’m just so tired of all of this and I want to have my baby. I know people are anxious and just want the best for me, but right now I’m just not taking any advice or well wishes or questions about have you had the baby yet well. Last night at around 11pm, I had a total break down. I’m just so overwhelmed by this all. ~sigh~
I’m tired a lot and I get up to pee at least twice to three times a night (could explain why I’m so tired). I’m very thankful to have a job that lets me work from home so I can be a little more flexible with my hours. For the past few days I’ve had burning feelings in my pelvis when I move around, that I can only attribute to the baby being very low. Yesterday I think I lost part of my mucus plug.
Today I had a prenatal appointment. I have now met every midwife that I could possibly have. The one today kind of reminded me of my step-mother, but I think that was just her accent. I don’t have a favorite, but I do have a least favorite. I could see how the personality of each midwife could affect things. Today’s midwife said my uterus measured at 39 weeks. She also gave me pretty much the exact same stats as last week. However, she did say that she tends to be conservative when it comes to measurement. She reminded me that first time moms actually average more like 41 weeks 1 day. She also said that based on the signs I was telling her things are looking really positive and are moving in the right direction, so I’m trying to take heart from that. Also, Stree seems to have moved his back from my right side to my left side, which the midwife said is really good because babies with their back to the left tend to have a higher chance of facing posterior (which is good).
If I don’t go into labor by Friday, I have an appointment for a nonstress test, just to check on everything. The Birthing Center will let you go to 42 weeks without discussing induction or anything like that, so we still have a week and a half to go before I have to worry about that kind of thing.
In other news, I’ve had an urge to make cake pops for a week or two now and I finally made them. I brought some into the Birthing Center and they were a big hit.
From Thursday night through this morning Darius and I were at a retreat at a local state park. As it has been every year we’ve gone, it was a mostly wonderful experience. I was smart this year and insisted that we sleep in the cabin close to the bathroom and also that we get a eggshell mattress topper for the bed that we were going to be constructing out of two mattresses on the floor. The latter helped me sleep and the former was great for when I had to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom.
Most of the nights I actually slept through the night with almost no getting up. Last night was the exception. I went to bed “early” (around 11pm). Half woke up when Darius came into bed. Then around 1am I shot straight upright into a sitting position. I had a lot of gas in my chest and needed to burp like crazy. After getting a few burps out, I realized that of course I had to go to the bathroom. I pulled on my pj bottoms and my wrap sweater and went out into the night. After going to the bathroom I realized that I wasn’t ready to go back to bed yet. I still had the “I have to burp” feeling and so I hoped that walking around would help with that. Ambled a bit around the camp site and talked to a few people who were still up and about.
I ended up on the beginning of the ramp leading up to the cabin door, looking up at the one-night-away-from-full moon. I opened up my sweater at the bottoms so that the moonlight was hitting my belly (but it was hard to tell because of all the other light). Then I just started talking, first to the moon and then to my baby, all the while stroking or holding my belly. I asked him if he would wait until another cycle of the moon. I asked him if when the times comes for him to enter the world, if we could work together. I told him I loved him. I told him a great deal of other things, many of which I can’t remember now.
Before last night I was physically getting tired of being pregnant, as I am pretty sure I have Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction, however I was not mentally ready to have the baby. After last night, I know that I am ready (as ready as one can ever be) to have a child.
Unfortunately for the rest of the night I was somewhat restless and woke up in the morning in a great deal of pubic pain.
The other thing I really valued this weekend was the sense of community, not just from my friends who were there but from other parents who were there with their children. The parents, even those I’d never met before, let me sit and talk with them and answered my questions and just generally made me feel welcome.