Archive for November, 2010
My friend who is a doula agreed to be my doula and at a friend rate! I am so excited by this! And in addition to her doula-y services, she’s offered to do belly henna on me. I’m so excited and happy!!!!!
I’ve been thinking about writing this post for the last few days, but have been worried about getting these feelings “out there” and/or being judged for them.
I’ve been feeling disconnected from this whole pregnancy thing. Intellectually I know that I’m pregnant. I’ve seen the baby a few times and heard its heartbeat twice. I have a good chunk of the symptoms, including the random bits of crazy emotional reactions to things. I’m reading pregnancy books. I’m making and going to prenatal appointments. I just don’t know in my heart that I’m pregnant yet. Maybe it’s cause I didn’t go through morning sickness (which is what all the movies and stuff tell me I should have had). Maybe it’s because I don’t have a pregnant belly yet or had to start wearing maternity clothing. Maybe it’s because I haven’t felt the baby move yet. Maybe it’s because I don’t feel like Darius is as involved/thinking about this as much as I am (but he did start reading the book I got him from the library last night). I don’t know.
I really thought I’d have the start of a cute pregnant belly by now. No idea why. Just did. But really all I see/feel is a tummy that’s gaining fat (which I know is good for the baby and all). If I pull up some of the fat in my lower tummy, there is actually what might be the start of a teeny tiny bump… maybe.
OTOH, my friends are telling me that I’m glowing and that “pregnancy is agreeing with” me. But all I feel is fat and pimply. I just hope that I feel more emotionally connected to all of this soon. Intellectually I know it will come in time, but I just thought it would have happened already. Maybe that’s why I’m having so much trouble reading The Hobbit outloud to Stree. I just don’t really believe that it’s in there yet.
Sometimes you read something, even just one line in a book and it can have a profound effect on you. I’m currently reading Birthing From Within on the recommendation of a few friends. I am in the middle of reading the section on home births and the author said that if one is planning on a home birth, it might be better to think of is as laboring at home and then, if everything goes well, the birth can be at home but if it does not, then the birth can happen in the hospital. It was like a light went off inside my brain. I’ve been talking to people about how I’m going with a birthing center but I understand that I may have to move to a hospital. Secretly though, I think I’ve been afraid of that move and how it would mean a failure on my part or some such. This simple statement has completely changed how I see things. Now I’m going to think of it as laboring at the Birthing Center and if all goes well I’ll give birth there, but if I then need to be moved to a hospital, it will be easy to accept the midwife’s or my own judgment about it.
Darius and I went out to a concert last night. Didn’t really think too much about it or how it would effect me because we love the Dresden Dolls so much. Got there early enough to hook up with friends who were in line and so we ended up standing about 3 rows back from the stage. Oh yes, this was a standing-only concert.
The opening band was very loud. Loud enough that I could actually feel the vibrations in my uterus. I tweeted something to the effect of, “If the baby grows up with a love of hard rock, I’ll know where it came from.” It was somewhere around there that I got a little worried that the loud music wouldn’t be good for Stree (I have since looked it up and found out that there is no known effect on going to the occasional loud concert while pregnant). When the Dolls came on, we had already been standing for 2 hours. They played a 3 hour set. That’s over 5 hours of standing. Toward the end my feet were really hurting and once in a while I’d get a pain in my abdominal area, but that was mostly when I pressed on it. Still the concert was awesome and I wouldn’t have missed it for anything.
In really cool concert news, during “The Jeep Song,” Amanda and Brian had people come on stage to sing and dance with them. I was close enough to the front that I was able to get on stage. So now Stree can say that it’s been onstage with a band before it was even born .
Went in to the Birthing Center last Friday to get the 12-13 week Fetal Nuchal translucency test. This is the one where they look at the fetus to see if it possibly has Downs Syndrome and take a blood sample also. Little Stree, wouldn’t cooperate. So I went back yesterday. Guess who wasn’t cooperating again. Did get some really adorable u/s pictures (including a Kermit the Frog looking one). But because of that, they also didn’t take my blood (a blessing?).
These were the options they gave me: I could call the ultrasound place that the Birthing Center I’m going to works with and pray they can get me in sometime around my schedule in the next two days, I could schedule the screening blood test at 15-20 weeks (but it has a high rate of false positives), or we could just let nature run its course. When I got home, I talked about the different options with Darius and, we decided on the last option. We figured that this was the Universe’s and the baby’s way of telling us to chill out and not worry about it. I’m 31, so the risk is not that high and I’d rather not take a test that could cause lots of stress and turn out not to be true anyway.
And now, fetus Stree as Kermit the Frog:
Why yes, I’m embarrassing my offspring before it is even born .
Told the bossman I was pregnant last Thursday. We were swapping photos over IM of our trips to Chicago while on the phone. I told him that I had one more picture to send him and then waited nervously while he opened it. But he’s really excited for me. He’s never had anyone under him take maternity leave before, so this will be an experience for both of us. At least my work is very good at handling this sort of thing. I believe there were something like 14 or 15 people out for maternity leave this year.
Told the rest of the team (one had already guessed) on Friday afternoon at our team meeting. We were discussing the training schedule for next year. One of my coworkers was teaching, so once he finally showed up and we caught him up on what was going on, I mentioned that I did have one concern about next year. Then I turned my laptop around so they could all see the picture of the ultrasound from the other week. They were surprised . Bossman had to put the picture up on the screen so everyone could see it (my team is all over the US, so we use video conferencing).
Today was my first appointment at the Austin Area Birthing Center. Filled out miles of paperwork. Right now we’re on a pay for it all ourselves plan. We’re trying to get this GAP coverage thing going on so that insurance will cover some of it (the Dr is in network, the facility is out of network…it’s all very confusing to me). Had an apprentice midwife with the regular midwife for my visit. They asked me some basic questions and already had a good knowledge of my chart and my paperwork from my original OB was there already. When they went to go feel for the uterus, they had a little bit of trouble finding it because I have good abdominal muscles and a little bit of padding over them. Also, based on the exam they were figuring that I probably had a tipped uterus (which I now remember is something the ultrasound tech from week 7 said too). They then had trouble using the hand-held thing to hear the heartbeat. OMG, I was definitely a little scared when they couldn’t find the heartbeat at first. So we went over to the ultrasound room and the ultrasound tech found the baby and the heartbeat with no problem at all and confirmed that my uterus is tipped backwards. This is actually very common and usually fixes itself right up when the uterus raises. It also explains why I’m not showing at all yet (but the pants are getting tighter) and why I have to pee all the damn time. And and and… I got to see Stree again. It looks more like a human now. It has a head with a face and a body and legs. I could see the legs moving and the heart beating. Stree’s heartbeat is VERY strong, 160 BPM . Probably another 2 months until we find out sex. I tried to scan the ultrasound at work, but the scan sucked, so I’ll do it from home tonight.
Update: Pic from ultrasound